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Confession: I have health anxiety and it fucking sucks.

After a telephone assessment with a counselling service this week (in my lunch break), I walked for a little while. I wound up in an empty church and sat on a pew and let myself cry.

There is nothing wrong with me.

But I felt desperate.

I felt anguish heavy across my forehead and pain in my heart. Why couldn't I shake this?

I started to pray silently - Dear God, Dear God, Dear God. I couldn't get past the opening line. I didn't know what I was asking for.

Help?

The more I repeated the words, the more it felt like gratitude. Dear God, Dear God. I have so much to be grateful for.

I read the passage from Colossians that was read at my wedding and a line made me break down a little more -

Forgive, as the Lord forgave you.



I have to forgive myself. I have to learn to try.